I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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