he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
