So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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