Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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