The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
