Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
