im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
