I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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