obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
