you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
