Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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