I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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