they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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