You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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