i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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