You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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