It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
