i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
