If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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