I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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