I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
