Fuck appropriateness.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
