last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
