Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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