so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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