I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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