I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
