I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
