It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
