i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
