im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
