my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
