Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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