do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
