I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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