Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
