Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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