Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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