i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
