im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
