Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
