one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
