i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
