He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
