I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
