so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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