i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
