question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I fill condoms, not promises.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
