Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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