i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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