I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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