no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
