So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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