so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
