he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
