Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
