I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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