Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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