I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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