you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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