I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
