2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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